The concentration of suckiness in Southeastern "Coastal" Texas is amazing and this place lives up to its sucky name: "Clute." What kind of person would choose to live in a place like Clute? A sucky person, that's what kind. But this expose isn't about the people- no that would take too long. This little piece mostly highlights the place itself. As with the abomination "The Lost Lake," the pictures of this atrocity of population 11,000 (An Atropolis) speak for themselves, so I won't give much narrative. By the end of the show, you'll probably agree that this hunk of land needs to be dug up and sent to Mexico or Argentina or maybe used as a nuclear test site.

The following sign greets you as you enter the place south bound on the most abysmal stretch of road west of Green County, Alabama- Business 288:

In case you can't read it, it says "Home of the Great Texas Mosquito Festival." Now I could probably end the piece right here and you'd agree that this place is beyond hope, but I feel called to share this with the world. Tell you what I'll do. I'll show you the view as I see it 5 days a week when I traverse this wasteland on the way to work. Your heart sinks as you see the sign and the horizon filled with random shit, as if some retarded god had designed this place- that's it. I just hit it. What makes this place so terrible is that the people are really trying. They really want this place to be good and the more they try to polish this turd, the more it stinks. It's like an art project cobbled together by my maladroit hands back in elementary school. Here's a sample of what I see as I cross into the city limits:

 Beautiful. It's been like this for months. Notice the debris thrown about- broken pebbles and trash just scattered everywhere. Notice the details like the leaning telephone poles in the background and the wires going every which way. Chaos reigns here.

I am constantly amazed how the people here just pile crap up and leave it to rot. Here's an example of such behavior. This could be the parking lot of a normal apartment were it anywhere else, but these folks just insist on mayhem. Again, what's up with the wires you ask? Maybe even trees need guy wires or they'll spontaneously fall to the ground. Here, entropy and suckiness interact in such a way as to cause everything to degenerate much more rapidly than would otherwise be possible.

Normally people have to work to find pictures of such desolation. Not here. I literally just pulled the car over every couple hundred yards and started taking pictures. Again, look at the details. By the pole there's a piece of a concrete pillar wrapped in a chain. What? Why? How? WHO?

Ummm. As you might imagine, the largest industry in town is piling up crap into mounds and letting it rot. Here's an example. There are no hills in this part of Texas. That black pile you see in the background is a thirty-foot high pile of twisted metal, pulverized rocks, and broken dreams.

Maybe I'm being too severe. In fact, there are other places of business. One of the biggest attractions in this corner of hell is the Joker's Wild game room. Play here? Umm...I'll pass....maybe next time...

Oh, there are other places of employment too. "Two Sisters" is so successful that in just the past year they've sold tomales, furniture, statues of Mary, and Christmas ornaments. Notice the mold on the side of this pink atrocity. I keep trying to think of new words but "atrocity, abomination, abyss, desolation" keep entering my brain like a mantra. Wires everywhere.

Oh yeah. And there's the taco stand. Could you imagine taking your kids to this shithole for a little lunch? This is inexcusable. I will burn this place tonight. Again, wires filled with suckiness zig-zag all over.

OK. So I am being a little harsh. As you can see here, the people of Clute are actually quite artistic. This graffiti really is the most appealing thing in the city. Instead of arresting this kid for vandalism, he was made "Mosquito King" and given a scholarship to the University of Phoenix.

Ain't this beautiful? This picture doesn't do justice to the suckiness displayed here. This geyser comes from a pipe spewing up out of the ground. Good job, Clute beautification authority. This is pure genius.

If you move to Clute, this could be your neighborhood. And this person could be your neighbor:

I just couldn't resist. The arm of this fatass is twice the size of a normal person's leg. If I would have had an elephant gun...Do you see the rugs hanging in the background? They are selling that off a truck.

Here's another thing. If an animal dies in this town they don't clean it up. Just let it rot. I passed this same smashed dog for over four months. It was once a large German shepherd. I finally stopped just to document this for the world. Is this America? This is what a four-month-old dog carcass looks like, since most civilized people have probably never seen such a site.

This was in Clute too, so I'll show it again. These people are suffering from extreme suckiness. I swear the percentage of people riding around on scooters instead of choosing to walk is the highest here of any place I've seen. I see "Funtime Pizza" in the background- Clute's pathetic version of Chuck-E-Cheese with games that don't work and children that crap their pants and roam the place for hours. Man, I'm just gonna end this article here as I could keep documenting the suckiness forever.

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