OK. I am officially sick and tired of the slogan WWJD - What Would Jesus Do? I'm not sick of seeing the trendy "WWJD" beads on leather bracelets worn by flip-flop wearing teens with shaggy hair, although I think the money for the amulets would be better spent elsewhere. I'm even immune to the loud WWJD stickers next to American flags on the back of SUVs and Chevy Tahoes, even though it makes me wonder if the owners of those respective vehicles think that the Prince of Peace would turn in his sandals for a gas-guzzler were he in bodily form these days. In fact, I think the question is a pretty good one. What would Jesus do in line at the grocery when the guy in front of him is being obnoxious to the clerk, holding up the line, and trying to buy a 40 with food stamps? What would he do to the kid that didn't have enough money to endorse him with a T-shirt or bracelet? What kind of car would he drive? Or would he just choose to walk? Would Jesus watch Survivor or the Seven Hundred Club? Would he even own a TV? Indeed, what would Jesus do is a pretty intriguing question when you think about it. But I AM sick and tired of the question.

The problem is that most people that call themselves Christians have no idea what Jesus would do. And that's why I'm sick and tired. You see, WWJD is not just an abstract question, unreachable ideal, or pop-Christian platitude. We can have a pretty good idea of what the Son of Man would do were he around today- maybe not whether he and the disciples would travel around in a VW Eurovan instead of a Suburban or ride on a pack of motorcycles (now THAT's a good idea for a story- Jesus and the disciples spreading the Good News on Hogs- confronting the pretentious modern-day Pharisees that ride $20,000 Harleys instead of sharing with the poor…) - but we probably could make a very educated guess as to how Jesus would respond to many contemporary dilemmas and moral questions. The reason we can guess what Jesus would do is because we know what Jesus DID. This is because we have the life and words of Jesus preserved for us in the New Testament. The thing is- most people that call themselves Christians have little knowledge of the Bible. Oh sure, they read "Christian" self-help books about how to have a perfect marriage, how to raise children the Christian way, and how to finally stop masturbating after all these years. They also tend to be up on the latest right-wing propaganda perpetrated by some former "sinner" that has finally seen the light. They listen to Christian pop music on the radio. They just haven't ever read the Bible- at least not enough to even begin to consider a question as lofty as "What Would Jesus Do?"

Since I have actually read the Bible I have decided to help out some of you who are searching for the answer to WWJD. Just for fun, let's consider this question: "What Would Jesus Do at a Benny Hinn Crusade?" What do you think he'd do, Mr. Christian? Would he listen attentively as Benny ranted about raising the dead and challenged the sick to "touch your TV screen" to receive healing? Would he join in as Benny "healed" the infirm? Would he play catch with Benny as Hinn tossed the "Holy Spirit" about like a giant beach ball? Would he commend Benny for being a good steward with the countless thousands of dollars that have been offered up at his gatherings? I think not. In fact, I think it would be a pretty sad day for Mr. Hinn should he ever cross paths with Son of God. I base this on the Bible as a whole, but will refer you to a few passages should you choose to put down the Chuck Colson or Kenneth Copeland books long enough to read them. Read Matthew 21:12-14, Mark 11:15-17, or Luke 19:45-46 to see how Jesus acted when he came upon shenanigans in the house of his father a couple of millennia ago. The NIV translation of the passage in Mark goes like this:

What did Jesus do when he saw that the temple was being used for ill-gotten gain at the expense of religious pilgrims? He trashed the place. That's right. He went nuts. It made him so angry, so full of righteous rage, that he absolutely went ballistic. How do you think Jesus drove those people out? Do you think he just looked at them really mean or shook his head? Remember, these were obviously greedy, unscrupulous people and Jesus was, at least temporarily, taking away their livelihood. I bet it is more likely that Jesus tossed them out by the scruffs of their necks. It says he would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. How do you think he pulled that off? With a Messianic force field of some type that gently persuaded the offending Jews and Gentiles to take their business to the temple of Zeus down the street? I bet Jesus had to manhandle a would-be merchant or two before they got the message.

Now, what implications does this have for Benny Hinn? Being that Hinn makes a living duping the weak and downtrodden in the name of Christianity, much as these first- century opportunists cheated ignorant religious pilgrims, I'd say not very good ones. Hinn makes a mockery of Jesus' name and the house of God each week on national television as he challenges his followers to give more to get more in the name of Jesus. If Jesus walked in the back doors of a Benny Hinn crusade (or REALLY appeared to Hinn on a balcony at a hotel- do you know that the jackass Hinn actually claims that Jesus appeared to him on a hotel balcony?), I'd say Benny better look for some quick "revelation knowledge". Else, he may be in for the ass kicking of a lifetime. I think Jesus would tear up the place. He'd throw Hinn out into the darkness and, believe me, there would be a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Yes, I do understand that WWJD is a rhetorical question designed to help the aspiring Christian better attain the attitude and actions of the living Christ. But this line of thought is tragically flawed because even if we do have a pretty good grasp of the Bible and the actions of Jesus back in the day, we still would have a difficult time predicting what he would do in every circumstance. Jesus was such an iconoclast that he did things that were often completely unpredictable. And even if we could accurately predict what he might do, we probably couldn't (or wouldn't) carry it out. For example consider the story of Jesus and the fig tree (Mark 11:12-21 gives one account). Basically, Jesus was hungry and saw a fig tree apparently in bloom. When he went to the tree he found that it had no fruit. He then cursed the tree so that it withered up and never bore fruit again. To me, this honestly seems like a capricious act (but believe me, I WOULD do the same thing if I was hungry and had the power). My point is that probably no one would predict Jesus would do such a thing. Secondly, if we could accurately predict what Jesus would do for every situation, we definitely could not carry it out. Could you make a fig tree wither? (If Benny Hinn can do that I will start attending his crusades and offering 25% of my money to his cause.)

My advice to you, Mr. Christian, is to take the WWJD sticker and fish off your car and start reading your Bible. Then, once you have at least a vague idea about what the Messiah would do in a given situation, put the sticker back on your land yacht right next to the decal for your kid's soccer team and show it off around town. In the meantime, if you see a long-haired, bearded Jewish guy in sandals and a robe at the Wal-Mart Super Center you better pray that they have his brand of Pop Tarts and aren't out of milk. Otherwise, something really bad might happen.

Next time we'll Consider WWJD to the nation of Iraq? Then I'll give my best guess as to WWJD to the health and wealth movement?