Have Your Dog and Eat it Too

In case you haven't noticed, we usually don't take things too seriously here. But this article is different. In an effort to promote peace, diversity, and understanding we have worked closely with the Korean Ministry of Education and the real "Dr. Dogmeat" to develop a compromise in the recent Korean Dogmeat controversy. In case you are one of the few people on planet Earth that are too busy to become embroiled in this furor, I have taken the liberty to post some background information that I got from another site, as well as some actual posts from a bulletin board that illustrate how this issue is dividing the world. Our solution is presented below. I truly hope our solution brings peace to the world.
 

Article on Dogmeat and the World Cup....
 

Thursday January 10 11:23 AM ET
Korea to Unleash 'Doctor Dogmeat' to Fight Critics
SEOUL (Reuters) - South Korean dog meat proponents Thursday unveiled plans to deploy an academic dubbed ``Doctor dogmeat'' to counter foreign critics and popularize canine cuisine in the run up to this year's World Cup football finals.

A group of 100 dogmeat restaurant owners will set up a nationwide federation next Monday in a city on the outskirts of Seoul to outline plans to promote the meat to foreign tourists before and during the World Cup period, they said.

``The new federation will promote the eating of dogmeat during the international event period by designating poshintang restaurants near World Cup stadiums as special places to serve foreign visitors,'' said Choi Han-kwon, director of the 21st Century Startup Research Institute which is behind the grouping.

Dogs are bred to be eaten in South Korea (news - web sites), notably in poshintang, literally ``body preservation stew,'' which advocates say is good for your health and which is considered a delicacy by some.

The eating of dogmeat in Korea has caused particular alarm abroad and among animal rights activists in South Korea ahead of the 2002 World Cup soccer finals, as some dogs are beaten, burned or hanged to make their meat more tender.

Next Monday's seminar in Koyang city on canine cuisine would feature ``Doctor Dogmeat,'' Chungchong University professor Ahn Yong-keun, who boasts 350 canine recipes, Yonhap news agency said.

Ahn would present a development strategy for the Korean dogmeat industry, suggesting Web sites on opening dogmeat restaurant franchises and developing new recipes, it said.

The federation would create Web sites in English and Japanese to promote dogmeat during the World Cup, Choi said.

South Korea and Japan will co-host the World Cup finals, which are being held from May 31 to June 30.

                Koreans protest ban on dog meat. "Dogs are yummy! Dogs are yummy!" They chanted.

Actual Posts from the Web:
 

YoungkwonKim
um...
Hi.. I'm Korean..
In Yahoo searching, I see this board.
i don't kwon your thinking about dogmeat..
However...
long time no see, Our nation is satarve to death.
We have no food, Never!
If you so, What eat you?
So, Our ancesetor eat dog..

I love dog and all animal.
But I wanna you think Korea's small custom about it.

I don't have any problem with eating dogmeat in general.
Over here we eat pork and pigs are shown to have more intelligence than dogs.
I do wonder how they would taste like, these dogs.

All korean dog meat eating/killing persons are all disgusting pieces of trash.

        You can see from the posts that our world is quite divided over the issue. I must admit that our solution to this problem was inspired not by our desire to promote world harmony, but simply to help out a dear friend. Joan had just lost her job and money was tight. John and I went to her house to cheer her up a little. Out already low spirits were dampened further by the small, three-legged Poodle that greeted us at the door. The dog hopped with excitement as we sat and conversed with our fallen comrade. After exchanging pleasantries and encouraging Joan as best we could we left.
        The next week Joan invited us back for supper along with two others from the group. After supper, we went out back and again saw the pitiful little poodle- this time with only its two rear legs! We watched in astonishment as it tried to come to us by doing somersaults. Joan broke down in tears as she explained that the dog had terminal cancer of the legs and that it only had weeks to live. She had no money for an operation and had amputated the legs herself. It was pathetic. We were so worried that we paid Joan a surprise visit the next week with a card and bouquet of flowers. This time Joan greeted us at the door. She was noticeably shaken.
        "Uh, come in. I was just finishing up supper," she said.
        Then we heard it- a muffled bark from the kitchen. The dog was obviously in pain. We were not prepared for what we saw next. The dog came rolling around the corner and into the living room- this time with no legs- just bloody stumps. Joan broke down like a mad woman.
        "I've been eating him! Eating him, damnit! I don't have money for food, so I've eaten Fluffy's legs! I was starving. I had to have food, but Fluffy is all I have. I'm so ashamed. John and I left that place sadder and wiser men, determined to help Joan overcome her new addiction and bury her shame- and determined to give Fluffy her life back. 

        We took up a collection at work so that Joan could have all the beans and fritos she wanted and not be forced to eat more vital portions of her dog. And John's ingenuity changed Fluffy's life. He used the base from his remote control monster truck as a "wheelchair" for Fluffy. He then fused the dog's stumps to the base with quick dry epoxy. In minutes the dog was again mobile. Joan cried for joy as she used the controller to let Fluffy play fetch and even get the paper. In many ways, Fluffy's new means of locomotion was even better than having legs. She could now "run" 30 miles per hour, even in reverse.

        
 
        When the World Cup controversy came out we were determined to do our part to help unify the world. John solicited the Korean ministry of Education to help develop the idea further. They hooked us up with Dr. Dogmeat himself, Kim-Sun Woo of Yonsei University.
        "I thought, what if the Koreans can still keep their pets and enjoy eating them too? Now that would be true Democracy. And then the world might not judge them so harshly. Who knows? We might even start eating dogs in America. Dogs could still be man's best friend and replace turkey at Thanksgiving. Joan really seemed to like Fluffy."
        Dr. Woo had nothing but praise for Taylor: "When I see Mr. Taylor invention, I think 'this true American genius. He possibly save world war three'. Besides, legs most delicious part and so good for health and luck. I have over 300 leg recipe. Just try one time American people love dog meat. More delicious than pig or chicken."

        As as result of the collaboration, McDonald's is considering replacing the kangaroo, orangutan, and worm meat that they currently use in their hamburgers with dog leg meat.